The stars lean down to kiss you, I lie awake to miss you. ♥
Violet Eyes Turns Brighter

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5.12.2010 mercredi, mai 12, 2010

In the home I’ve stayed in for XX years. In the pictures in my picture album. My mother, my father, my sisters I once knew. Kind of brings the sour to my nose to realise how much I’ve let slipped by.



I can’t help shedding tears. The time she hugged me when I cried alone in my room. The times she yelled at me for rummaged her room. I wanted them back. Krykry. The one that dotes me the most and yet knowing the cynical side of me. I know she nag and ask all too much question because she cares for me, but I can’t helped but lose it at her all times. I feel really apologetic. Mom. A strong lady that single hand raised two unwanted child.. She is gone now but I so wished she could just give me one tight embrace right now.Her individual pulsing life , the thread of your daily existence woven in and out of these corners and doorway , the dearth of which is keenly felt.I miss the time she would comfort me with a expression smile and playing the piano so as to stop herself from crying. Seeing her with a perplexed look, I desired to hug her and tell her “mom,I love you.” its just these simple words yet I felt so hard to let them out.



A magnetically morbid women stared at the window,she is not looking at the white roses but an absent of yours.The sadness was not hidden by any anger or or fear;it was just raw sadness.She missed him so much during the times he left her that her saliva dried up and her stomach clenched emptily. It was always a relief when he came back to her.Like water or food. Like music or that moment when you cut yourself with a knife and squeeze the skin and no blood oozes out.



She continued to stared at the window.Her eyes was full of sorrows.Light pale pink lipstick and nail were gorgeous against her ghostly white skin.Soft beige eyeliner intensified her green sorrow eyes and her long black eyelashes sparkled..Her small cinched-in waist was accentuated with a pale blue fabric belt and a long flowing white mermaid skirt. I was mesmeric at my mom beauty.



"Age was only an abstraction,like time, and that what matter was how two souls connect" she whispered to herself as she kept a grip on.



She yearned for your love.She was desperate to smother the threat of your lustful desired.



"How far will she go to silence the truth?" she ponder.



She was keen to know what is transpiring between her husband and her lethal marriage.



I felt distraught when i called the word "Dad.You are a deceptive guy that took mom love for granted.As your daughter i took great pain . I missed you. I missed the time you would spent time in the living room with me,Kry and Severina. Teaching Severina some phrases.



Courage does not always roar.Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying"I will try again tomorrow."





Somehow ,I will prove it to you without you, I’m still the one you wanted me to be. At times I do feel like falling in to pieces for the number of times you made Mom cry. When I left the home once we shared, I kept looking back.Tears rolled down my cheeks. I wished you would race out and hold Mom’s hand and told her you loved her and promised to be a better man, better husband and Dad.



"Talk to me"



Every women loves to hear this words from the right man. It is possible those words are the greatest seduction line ever.Especially if they are said without any ulterior motive.





On a dimmer note, I just realise nothing good ever comes to me. I am always falling down and picking myself up on my own.Maybe it is time to carry my own weight,learn to hid your true self . As everyone is a hypocrite, our words will somehow contradict with our action at one point of our life. It just that a few people are even more hypocrite than others.I will never get closer to my Dad's attention ever.I wanna break free.I wanna strike it out on my own.







It is hard to be a pretty girls , it is hard to be a woman growing old.